The Marauder's Reading Fanfiction
by mydearmartha
Summary: One day the Marauders and Lily come across a book with fanfiction which is filled with stories about them and their future, they slowly discover more about their future through sometimes bizarre, funny and uncomfortable fanfics.
1. chapter 1

**A/N: So this is my first ever fanfiction, actually my first ever piece of writing for anything that isn't for school, but I'm not new to fanfiction, I've been lurking in the fanfiction community since 2013, and yet I only signed up in 2016! I guess I was just too shy and nervous before. This fanfiction is inspired by The Marauder's Companion by Mibamonster, which was one of the first fanfics I read when I first started getting into them, and I loved it so much! You can't find it on the fanfiction website any more as it was deleted, maybe a couple of years ago? So yeah, that's where the idea came from. I hope you enjoy it.**

'James?' Lily said tapping James on the shoulder,

'Uh, yeah Lily, hi.' James had quickly shot up from the sofa he had been occupying and resisted the urge to mess up his hair, a constant battle whenever he was near Lily.

'You'll never guess what I found in the library…'

So wait a minute Evans, explain this to me again.'

James had quickly grabbed the other marauders who had been sitting not far away, and they were now all gathered around a fireplace in the deserted common room.

'Well Sirius, it's a book-.'

'Yes I can see that Evans,' Sirius interrupted her whilst fidgeting with his shirt.

'I hadn't finished Black.' Lily said, a little narked, 'I found it in this really strange restricted section of the library, and it seems to me to be about us, like I think they call it fanfiction in the front here, and they are actually stories about us.'

'Hand it over then,'

'Oi, Sirius!' Lily said as Sirius grabbed the book out of her hands, flicking through the pages of the large leather bound book.

 **Mothers, Malfoys and Mayhem Rated K+ - English – Family/Angst – Chapter's 1 – Pub – 2m ago – Lily Evans P. – Lucius M. – Abraxas M. Lily finds out a terrible secret that in turn leads her back to the Mafloy's, endless questions and eventually answers? OOC/AU OC.**

'What's OOC, or AU or OC, for that matter,' Lily asked, confused.

'I think OC means Original Character,' Remus said, before blushing slightly as everyone turned to look at him, 'No idea about the others though.'

'How do you know?' Peter asked, looking at him with some curiosity.

'I like Star Trek and it's in, oh never mind, they call it fanfiction, what does the first page say, what would the canon be?' Remus said, looking away and frowning slightly, which he did when deep in thought.

'I'm sorry but what is fanfiction, I've never heard of it, and why have they got stories about, - you said us Lily -, slightly creepy don't you think?' James asked.

Remus answered immediately 'Fanfiction is, um, if a book, or tv series or something, was made about us, then other people would write stories about it, based around the original story and using mainly the main characters, but write it differently, maybe different scenarios, or from a different character's outlook. So if it was a book written about, I don't know, us pranking or something,' he pointed to himself and the three other marauders, 'then they would write it from McGonagall's point of view, or if it was based in 3rd year, then skip ahead to after we've left Hogwarts. Does that make sense?'

The others nodded, although still looked slightly confused.

'So a book or film, or whatever, about us?' James said, a slight smile making its way onto his face

'Well it tends to be books Prongs, more characters, and scope for change and stuff. I've seen a couple of _Great Expectations_ fanfics.'

'What does it say in the front Padfoot?' Peter asked, leaning over his chair to try and get a better look.

'It says at the front,' he coughed slightly before saying a loud, booming voice, 'A Collection of some of the best, weirdest, sweetest and worst of all fanfiction written about the Marauders mainly, however we do have some of the best/worst of the Golden Trio era etc. Then it says at the bottom, original 7 books written by J. K. Rowling, about Harry Potter, and some other piffle.'

'Do you know a Harry Potter, James?' Lily asked

'No I don't, must be a relation I suppose or it wouldn't include the Marauders would it, I wonder.' James said and rubbed his cheek.

'So they're mostly stories about us? Well I'd quite like to read a few, what about everybody else?' Sirius looked around at the others.

'Yeah, I'm interested, obviously they won't be exactly the same as us as we're not reading the canon-.'

'Canon?' James asked

'Oh Canon would be the original books, those written by J. K. Rowling, so they won't be completely accurate, but they should be quite cool, we might find out stuff,' Remus looked down at the book, it emitted a strange magical aura, 'about, well why don't we read a few.'

'I'm amenable.' Lily said, she looked around, and was thankful that the common room was empty.

'Ok then, let's go back to that one about you and Malfoy then.' So Sirius opened the book to where he'd left off, and began reading.

 **Lily woke up and felt herself.**

Sirius raised his eyebrows, 'That a regular thing you do in the morning Evans?'

'Shut up Sirius.' Lily said, 'Besides that's not what the writer meant.'

 **Something felt different today, and then she realised,**

'I hate when writers do that, start it when they wake up, and then they "suddenly realise something".' Disgust filtered Remus' tone.

 **today was her 17** **th** **birthday, she had come of age in the Wizarding World, not to mention she could now drive a car.**

'Car?' James looked at Lily with curiosity.

'Well they are kind of li- oh don't worry James, I'll explain it later.' James nodded, happy at the prospect of further conversation with Lily.

 **Although Petunia still insisted at scoffing every time Lily mentioned the fact that the Wizarding World aged up sooner than the muggle one, that didn't stop Lily from feeling something different was going to happen today, something life-changing.**

'God that's such shitty foreshadowing.' Lily rolled her eyes

 **She got up out of her old creaky, low bed, that**

'Which.' Remus twitched slightly.

 **her parents had been too poor to replace, she stepped over to her second hand dressing table,**

'My parents aren't _that_ poor.' Lily said, 'that can't be canon, my mum is a nurse, and my dad works in banking. We're not rich but we're not dirt poor.' She rolled her eyes.

'I think the author's trying to be dramatic, you know poor girl gets swept off her feet…' James said

'Ssh.' Sirius looked annoyed, 'you're interrupting my fabulous reading.'

 **and sat down, when she looked in the mirror, and screamed.**

'That's a bit dramatic, I don't look _that_ bad in the morning.' Lily joked.

'I'm sure James would like to find out.' Sirius said, then wiggled his eyebrows.

Lily rolled her eyes, 'you're about as subtle as a brick in the face, Black.'

 **Her parents were scraping by at work, and Petunia was out somewhere with Whale-boy,**

Lily burst out laughing, 'I like that, that's such a good name for him!'

'Err Lily, what are you talking about.' James asked

'Petunia, my sister's, boyfriend, Vernon. Oh god he's such a pompous git.'

 **so no-one heard her screams, apart from the neighbours.**

 **After 5 minutes Lily was calm well as calm as one could be in a situation like this.**

'Dramatic aren't I.' Lily said wryly.

 **She looked at herself and saw…**

Sirius paused.

'Uh, Padfoot what are you doing.' James said, looking at him strangely.

'There was an ellipsis I'm pausing for dramatic effect James, dramatic effect!'

 **White blonde hair, hard grey eyes, a pointed face and nose,**

'What?' Peter's eyes widened, 'what the hell.'

 **a pale complexion devoid of any of her previous blasted freckles,**

'Hey!' Lily touched her face, giving her cheeks, which had a light dusting of freckles, a rub. 'My freckles are fine thank you.'

James, never shy of an opportunity to compliment Lily, 'I happen to think your freckles look very pretty.'

Lily blushed slightly, a constant curse with such pale skin, she was still not quite used to James' constant compliments, especially knowing he fancied her… 'Uh, thanks James.' She said, before gesturing for Sirius to continue.

 **Her previously tiny boobs had gotten to at least a D-cup**

Lily interrupted yet again, 'what has this author got against my body? First my face and now my breasts. They're not that small!'

 **and she was at least half a foot taller,**

Remus rolled his eyes, 'and now you're 6 foot Lily. My if I didn't know better I'd almost say this isn't Lily, considering she looks nothing like Lily, and hasn't, so far, acted anything like the Lily we know. Who the hell writes these stories? Also, what's the canon that inspires, this?'

Sirius glared at everyone, 'Stop interrupting!'

 **Suddenly an apparition appeared, then two more apparated.**

'An apparition? God that's shitty. Suddenly a ghost appeared did they?' Remus sighed.

'Picky today aren't we Moony.' Sirius said before continuing.

 **It was Lucius Malfoy, who she remembers**

'Remembered.' Remus interrupted yet again, becoming increasingly annoyed at the grammar, he had just let got used to it, but switching tenses was just too much to let slide.

 **from school, Abraxas Malfoy, his infamous father, and his mother whom she had once heard the mighty LORD Sirius Black speak of,**

'Lord Sirius? God you aren't half a suck up in this Lily.' James said

'Oh no James, I'm the _mighty_ Lord Sirius, you shall all bow before my awesomeness.' Sirius said, before spreading his arms out like wings, 'come bask in my glory!'

Remus, deciding to do what he normally did, and ignore Sirius, 'do you think the writer knows that we don't have titles in the Magical world, you know, at all?'

Peter, who had been reading ahead over the shoulder of Sirius, said. 'Uh, I'm not sure this author has the best grip on reality, or the canon books for that matter.'

 **she was a relative of his, Reticulum Black,**

'WHAT!' Sirius yelled, fighting hard to control his laughter. The rest of the group however had no compunction with laughing, and went into a giggling fit.

'Not even my family would name a child Reticulum, that's just _begging_ to be nicknamed Rectum.'

This caused another bout of giggles between the others, Sirius, who was hiding a smile, muttered 'children.' Before continuing.

 **named after the small and faint constellation of the Sky of the South.**

'That sudden change of prose is very tacky.' James said, however he wasn't as annoyed as he sounded as Lily, who had still not controlled herself, was clutching to his frame, laughing.

 **Reticulum had tears in her eyes, and rushed to approach Lily, she was sobbing and clasped her arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder. Lily was so shocked by this that she let herself be hugged by this random stranger.**

 **She patted her on the back 'There, there.'**

'I'm not very good at this comforting am I?'

'I'm surprised you've taken it so well really, 3 pureblood supremacists suddenly appear in your room, whilst you're still in your pyjamas probably, I'm surprised you haven't screamed blue murder.' Remus said, who was staring at the book in Sirius' hands with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion.

'It's all very strange isn't it, who thinks of these things?' James asked.

'It's clever really isn't it, the muggle-born has just turned 17 the trace has just been lifted, they're confused, waking up on their birthday, and BAM! In come the death-eaters and kill them, with the ministry none the wiser.' Peter got some strange looks from the rest of them, 'I was just saying it's clever, oh never mind.'

 **This however made her sob more, and cry, muffled into her shoulder 'You've turned out so well, considering.'**

'What is that supposed to mean?' Lily said, looking angry, 'that because I'm a muggle-born automatically I'm scum with no manners?'

 **At this point Abraxas Mafloy had decided that enough was enough, and took his wife by the arm and put her down on the bed, which almost broke.**

Lily rolled her eyes, annoyed at the constant clichés of muggleborn poorness. I mean God, she was not _that_ poor.

' **I suppose you will be wondering why we are here.' Abraxas said.**

 **Lily had to admit that she had not been very curious, so settled for a bemused nod.**

'Good God how stupid am I in this thing?' she started shouting at the book, 'you should be curious, 3 random people have apparated into your room, and you are just accepting it as normal. Do you have no intellectual curiosity? This cannot be me.'

'I agree,' James said, as Lily gave him an approving smile, 'she just isn't acting very Lily-like, are we _sure_ it's her?'

'Exactly!' Lily said animatedly.

Remus interjected, 'Am I a terrible person if I point out that bemused is _not_ the word s/he meant there. Bemuse actually means to be puzzled, confused or bewildered. Perplexed is a synonym people! Another thing, how can you nod bemusedly?'

'Wow calm down mate,' Peter laughed and patted an annoyed looking Remus on the shoulder, 'you know I didn't even know that bemused meant-'

'Yeah me too.' James said

'That is because you are all a bunch of unintellectual low-lifers, now may I con-' Sirius was interrupted by Remus.

'Yeah a lot of people think that, no idea why, I think it just sounds right, you know?'

' **Well you see Ar-Lily, you are our daughter.'**

'Woah, woah woah, wait a second Mister. You _invade_ my bedroom, while I'm still in my nightclothes, sneer at my surroundings and then expect me to believe I'm your daughter? Yeah, sounds about right mate.'

'What even is this? You, their daughter, just what? There are no words for how strange this is.' James said

'As if the Malfoys would have a daughter anyway. They have this thing about only having one son, proper crazy, although that describes most purebloods.'

'You are pureblood Sirius.' Peter said.

'Takes one to know one.'

 **He paused as if waiting for Lily to day something but Lily gestured on. She knew something like this would happen she had always been different and special**

'And I just accept it?'

'What type of crazy are you in this story Evans. Come to think of it you might be related to the Malfoys!' Sirius said

'Why am I so damn arrogant in this? Always been different and special? What the hell.'

 **but this? She hated the Malfoy family.**

'As any sane person would. Hmm, maybe you're not related to them after all Evans.'

'Well at least something's consistent,' Lily said grumpily.

' **Why I am afraid that me, that is to say your mother and I, or you could call us Abbie and Rettie**

Sirius stopped reading, as he had broken down into a giggling fit, every few seconds he would repeat Abbie, with both incredulity and awe, trying to imagine the stern and ill-tempered bullfrog Abraxas Malfoy, being called Abbie by anyone.

 **if you prefer, had to leave you in conditions as dissimilar from our own as we could so you could appear a mudblood,**

They all cringed at the use of the word mudblood.

'Why would he use that word, now, of all times?' James said angrily, 'why is the author just throwing it around? It's serious, words have meanings.'

'Uh, why though?' Peter said, 'that whole "dissimilar environment thing" makes literally no sense. What reason could they possibly have for that, apart from being horrible parents?'

 **but now you are 16,**

'17.' Remus interrupted automatically, 'God that's tacky.'

'Will everyone stop interrupting!'

 **we can bring you back into our fold, you see your real name is Ara Gemini Domitilla Lilliannae Malfoy.**

'What?' Lily spluttered, 'how is that even a name? Lilliannae what the hell? And Domitilla's Latin, just WHAT IS THAT COLLECTION OF, well they're not even names.'

'That's purebloods for you, as Reticulum,' Sirius hid a smile badly, 'is a Black a constellation would make sense, but Gemini is so obvious.'

'You're such a snob.' James said fondly.

 **We put a disillusionment charm on you so that you would appear normal,**

'That is absolutely not how disillusionment charms work, they make you invisible people!' Remus said, getting more annoyed with every word.

'S/he must mean transfiguration, although keeping it sustained for that long, and while Lily grows would be difficult, if not impossible, unless they kept meeting to 'top her up' so to speak.' James frowned slightly, trying to think of how it would work, not to mention how it could suddenly vanish on her 17th birthday.

 **but now my dear child you can return with us to Malfoy Manor.'**

'So although we've just met, we're your new family, come with us and abandon your old ones.' James said.

'That's about the shape and the size of it yeah.' Peter said.

'God I just come across _so_ well in this piece.'

' **But why father.'**

Lily threw her arms up in despair, 'and what now I'm suddenly calling him father?'

' **You were imprisoned here because of the curse of Shah…'**

'What imprisoned there. I thought they put her there of their own free will. What even is this story?' James asked, giving the leather bound book a strange look.

 **So who do you think that mysterious stranger was, R/R! Lots of Love xxxxxxxxxxx MissDramioneLucily**

'What mysterious stranger?' Peter asked.

'I _think_ they mean this Shah person.' Remus said, not looking entirely sure.

'To think I thought your name was bad Sirius, imagine being called Dramione Lucily, sounds horrific.' Lily said, 'well that was a strange excursion.'

Sirius flicked through some pages of the book, 'I don't know I find the whole idea rather intriguing, we can hardly judge by just one can we?'

'It was so strange though Sirius, what must the canon be like, to inspire this?' Lily said

'I don't know, just because there are a few bad apples, doesn't mean the whole crate's rotten, although maybe one slightly different this time.' James said

'Not to mention better written.' Remus agreed.

Swayed by their arguments, and half curious herself as to what these might contain, Lily agreed, 'only if you let me chose the next one though.'

 **I'd just like to say, as well, that this isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings, in terms of the making fun of bad fanfics, and grammar etc. I love that this website is so diverse and interesting, but I just thought I'd poke fun at some of the clichés in fanfics, however I'd also like to branch out, in terms of having them react to good fanfiction (although good might be subjective as I have to write it!), but anyway that's enough of me babbling away! I have a couple more fanfics ideas planned out, but do let me know if you have anything you want to see. Let me know if you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, please!**


	2. Chapter 2

Lily flicked through the pages of the book, there seemed to be separate sections, although dedicated to what she couldn't be entirely sure, she skipped anything that mentioned an OC, after they disaster which was the last story, before finally coming across one that looked interesting and semi-accurate, or at least more accurate than the last one, although that was hardly difficult.

'How about this one, it's called The Abysmal Adventure of Dinner With the Dursleys.'

'Who are the Dursleys?' James asked.

Lily frowned, slightly nervous about the fact that it was the Dursleys plural, 'My sisters' boyfriend's called Dursley, and as it mentioned Vernon in the last one…'

 **The Abysmal Adventure of Dinner With the Dursley's Rated T** – **English – Family – Chapter's 1 – Pub – 15m ago – Lily Evans P. – James P. – Vernon D. – Petunia Evans D. Lily takes James to meet with Vernon and Petunia for the first time – needless to say it doesn't go well.**

'It's the only halfway decent one I've seen, I don't know why I'd be taking James to see my sister and her boyfriend, but I am curious as to how Petunia and Vernon's relationship pans out.'

Sirius exchanged a knowing look with James, before the latter coughed up to agree with Lily that he didn't know either.

'Maybe it's something to do with the Order.' Peter piped up.

'Oh that might be true Peter, maybe we're telling Petunia and Vernon that they have to go into hiding under the Order's protection.' Lily said looking into the distance and imagining.

Sirius who was smirking at Lily, said, 'yeah I'm _sure_ that's what it's about.'

'I hope this one is more accurate, I'd like to know what the canon is really like.' Remus said.

'How about if this one is not about 50% accurate we dismiss it.' Lily suggested.

'Ooh a challenge, ok accepted.' Sirius said summoning a scroll to tally marks.

' **Please be good.' Lily begged her boyfriend**

'Ooh I wonder who it is.'

'Well as it says in the description you're taking James…' Sirius said. Remus let out a light chuckle under his breath, which he quickly disguised as a cough when Lily glared at him. [add some more reaction from characters/Sirius and Lily]

'We shouldn't assume anything, I could be talking to him before I go out with James.' Lily said slightly apprehensively.

 **as she drummed the plastic coverings to the airbags in the cold car, the air conditioning had long since groaned its last feeble breath, and in March it was decidedly nippy.**

 **She was looking across at her boyfriend, James,**

'YES!' James said fistbumping the air, 'I'm Lily's boyfriend.'

'Not necessarily, remember how accurate the first one was? I say we knock a point off for accuracy Black.' Lily said, looking skeptical, and also curious to get on with the rest of the story.

'Ah Evans, but who's the one with the ink and paper? I say half a point for getting James' feelings for Lily right.'

Lily appeared slightly annoyed, but was too amused by the look of happiness and wonder on James's face to really object. She had to admit that spending more time around him was making his habits more and more endearing.

' **who was currently driving the death-trap – sorry – car that Lily was currently in. James was weaving in and out of traffic like he was knitting an extremely complicated scarf,**

'Hmm, I'm not sure if that simile is brilliant or downright strange.' Remus said amused.

'I don't know how you can make a very complicated scarf, I suppose weaving in and out, but that's not really how knitting works.' Peter said thinking hard, his father would sometimes make scarfs in the winter so he had slightly more than a cursory knowledge of knitting.

 **he had his tongue pocked out in concentration, he would periodically push his glasses closer to his nose in an attempt to see more clearly, as he hunched over the wheel.**

'Oh Merlin, he does that all the time while he's doing homework and it's so annoying!' Sirius interrupted Lily.

'Do I really do that all the time?' James said before nervously messing up his hair, Lily was watching him closely while he was doing this, and she gulped rather loudly before thinking that he really didn't look too bad with his hair all messy and ruffled, in fact he almost looked attractive, not that that meant anything, no, she could admit to herself that James was attractive – good looking even – without anything else necessarily following from that.

While Lily was contemplating the Marauders loudly assured James that he did indeed constantly do it, before Sirius said (after calling him a specky little berk) that he was adding a point for accuracy.

'Uh Lily.' Remus said waving a hand in front of her face. 'Are you going to continue reading?'

'Oh, what – yes of course.' Lily blushed before continuing.

 **Lily still wasn't completely convinced that he hadn't confounded his muggle teacher to let him pass the driver's test. James was a dreadful driver.**

'Point off for James knowing how to drive.' Lily sighed, scanning down the rest of the page, and realising how long this fanfiction was, she felt sure that if they continued at this pace then they wouldn't finish before the night was over, she was certainly starting to understand Sirius's annoyance during the last chapter.

'Well this is slightly in the future, who knows I could learn to drive, I can fly a broom after all and how different can they be?' James said in a blasé manner.

Remus and Peter's eyes widened, 'Lets never let him near a car.' Remus said.

Sirius grumpily tallyed a point against, he was very curious to read more stories, especially with Lily there, as her reactions to James so far this year seemed to be promising. James was like the brother he never had and to see him so hurt and disappointed every time Lily turned him down was painful, not to mention his constant moping and gushing conversations afterwards got bloody anoying.

' **Of course I'll be good,' James replied, 'I always am.'**

Lily snorted, 'yeah right, when are you ever good?'

'I have it on good authority that I was a very good baby.' James said before chuckling with Lily.

 **Lily snorted,**

Sirius smiled smugly '1 point for getting Lily's personality down pat. 1 ½ - 1 story.'

 **they both knew that not to be true, but she couldn't help hoping against hope that this meeting would go well, she could see almost a tiny sliver of hope of salvaging her relationship with Petunia, and she was determined to grab it by the horns.**

Lily looked upset at this truth of her seemingly shattered relationship with a sister who she was once so close to.

'Point to story.' Lily said quietly, her face turning into a blank mask, the others looking everywhere but directly at her, James briefly considered putting his arm around her, before deciding against it.

' **When they finally arrived at the French restaurant they were already 5 minutes late. They arrived and were quickly escorted to their seats by a waitress with dyed electric blue hair.**

'And her hair colour is important because?' Remus asked.

'I'm sure it'll come up later, the author wouldn't mention it if it wasn't important.' Peter said.

'Oh you have too much faith Wormy.'

' **You're late.' Was the only greeting Lily and James got from either party.**

' **I love you too sis.' Lily replied, before sliding into the comfy high-backed sofa type seating which the restaurant had instead of seats.**

 **Petunia merely pursed her lips in response, something she did when she was annoyed. Vernon however, his moustache bristling, his small eyes being unsure of who to single out, Lily, who he did not precisely get on with,**

'You can say that again, bloody bastard.' Lily said.

'Point to the story then?' Sirius asked, with a smug smirk.

Lily pursed her lips before nodding tersely.

 **or her boyfriend, with his messy hair, leather jacket, and general air of scruffiness.**

Remus and Lily both shot amused looks at James, that definitely described him well, he always looked like he was only 5 minutes out of bed.

'Well it's better written than the last one, I'll give it that,' James said fluffing up his hair just to see Lily's reaction – hey at least it got her noticing him – who playfully bumped into him, 'and I don't half sound cool in the future, eh, I wonder how many years ahead this is?'

'It doesn't seem that long in the future – it doesn't sound like you've been driving for long at least.' Peter said contemplatively.

'4 ½ - 1'

Lily shot him a look, 'Will you be quiet I'm trying to read.'

'You let him interrupt,' he pointed to James, and put on his best puppy dog eyes (which happened to be very good, he practiced. A lot. In the mirror.)

'Shh.'

 **The air was stale with greetings unsaid, the air swirled around with awkwardness.**

'Is it just me, or is the prose getting a bit purpley.' Remus asked. 'It means excessive, and flowery.' He quickly added when Sirius shot him a confused look.

'Nah mate, you're just being a bit pedantic.' James said.

 **Petunia was drilling her freshly manicured nails into the table, James was bouncing his legs up and down on the floor, until finally Lily couldn't take the tension any longer.**

' **So…' she said, a bad habit she had picked up recently in trying to start up conversations. However James quickly took the bait, far more socially adept and comfortable than Lily,**

'Excuse me.' Lily glared at the text. 'I'm not some king of shrinking violet, and James is hardly smoothest person ever.'

'Thanks.' James smiled down at her.

'You're welcome.' Lily smiled back, before continuing reading.

' **So Lily tells me you work in, uh, drilling Vernon. What's that like?' However James soon regretted asking Vernon this, as it gave Vernon the excuse to talk about his passion, drilling that is.**

'Who has a passion for drilling?'

'Incredibly sad people who have nothing else to talk about, and so only talk about that. For hours, God he's dull.'

 **He went into a long rant about prices, rival companies, the waste he saw all around him, after 5 minutes he finished up with what he had wanted to since James had walked in the door.**

' **And so Jeremy.'**

Sirius snorted, 'Looks like you've made an impression Johnathan.'

' **James.' He interrupted.**

' **Whatever. So James, what do you do for a job eh?'**

' **Well I'm training to become an au-.'**

'I'm training to become an auror, awesome!'

'James has always wanted to be an auror, so this story sounds pretty realistic 6 ½ - 2, we're on now, if you wanted to know Lily.'

Lily rolled her eyes before continuing.

 **Lily interrupted him quickly, 'Police. James is training to become a special type of police officer, that deals with particularly, uh,** _ **serious**_ **crime, aren't you sweetheart.' Lily patted James on the knee, rather hard. She looked rather pleased with herself, technically,** _ **technically**_ **she wasn't lying.**

 **James's eyes were wide, he'd never been the most adept at lying**

'I'm not _that_ bad,' James said, a little miffed.

'Really?' Sirius turned to look at him, 'what about that time Minnie found us in the corridor with a bunch of fireworks, and you said we were saving them for Bonfire night, which was 5 months away.'

'Well I didn't hear you suggesting anything.'

'Wait, hang on a minute, was this 4th year.' Lily looked suspiciously at the boys.

'Maybe.' Peter said guiltily.

'So you _were_ the ones behind stuffing all the suits of armour with fireworks after all the exams had finished.' Lily said, astonished, and quite impressed, there were hundreds of suits of armour all over the school, that prank must've taken quite a bit of dedication.

'And we bewitched them to sing Alice Cooper's School's Out.' Sirius added.

'Ah, one of our finest hours.' James said, a hint of nostalgia filling his voice, what with being the head boy, trying to set an example to the younger pupils, and all the work of the final year, he had hardly any time for pranks anymore, a fact Sirius constantly bemoaned.

' **Uh yeah, policeman person, thing.' He was nodding vigorously while saying this.**

Oh God,' Lily moaned holding her head in her hands. 'How you ever managed to lie your way out of pranks I will never know.'

'Minnie likes me, you've got to admit some of our pranks do cheer the school up a bit, as long as they're not too, uh, disturbing.'

'Yeah right.'

'Maybe the teachers figure they have better things to do then constantly try and catch us, when they know we're going to find a way to break the rules anyway?' Remus shrugged.

 **Lily felt like repeatedly banging her head against the table, how did he manage it?**

 **Vernon didn't look impressed, 'So policeman eh, that doesn't pay very well does it?'**

 **James looked shocked, the idea of how much being an auror paid hadn't even crossed his mind, it truly didn't matter to him, it was far more about the excitement,**

'Hmm.' Lily looked worriedly at James, that sort of thinking got you killed.

 **honour, and it being the right thing to do, than any monetary gain.**

'Well it's not l-' Sirius began before being vigorously sshhed by Lily.

'Would everyone for the love of God please stop interrupting, I would like to finish this story before the morning if that's alright with all of you.' Lily glared at all of them, it was already quarter to 11, and all of Gryffindor but them had retreated to bed, as early the next morning Professor McGonagall had ordered a house meeting – and nobody particularly wanted to incur her wrath.

James shrugged, while Sirius – who was looked put out – wafted the scroll rather ominously.

' **Well it's not as if James needs the money, his parents are rolling in money.' Lily said, feeling particularly sneaky today.**

'8 ½ - 2 story.' Sirius announced loudly, 'looks like we'll be continuing to read these fanfics after all.'

'Not necessarily Black, and I'd like to remind you of the fanfic you choose, it's only because of my magnificent finding skills that we're reading one halfway accurate.'

'So you admit it's accurate that you're going to be dating my friend Paddie over here?' He said, giving James a very hard pat on the back.

'No, I didn't say that – shut up Black.'

 **Both Petunia and Vernon's eyes snapped towards James, who was sitting there looking very nonplussed by the whole situation. At that moment the waitress with the electric blue hair came back with a smile on her face. Vernon however didn't return it, he looked at her as if he had only noticed her for the first time, and before she could even ask for their orders he said gruffly, 'your hair is certainly very bright.'**

' **Uh,' her eyes widened slightly, 'I don't know wh-'**

' **Normally only criminals have such ridiculous colours on their head. Are you sure it's hygienic, working in a restaurant?' Vernon asked, although the way he said it implied that he already had an answer, and was just testing the criminality of the waitress before them.**

'That definitely seems like something he would do, I remember when we first met I had a hole in my tights, and he made comments throughout the entire dinner about how inappropriate it was of me to be wearing fishnets.' Lily said rolling her eyes.

' **I don't think people's personal choices regarding their hair is really any of your business.' James said coldly, giving Vernon a look usually reserved for particularly disgusting cockroaches.** **Lily's face brightened and she eyed James with pride, as he reminded her of one of the many reasons she loved him. Vernon spluttered, he was neither used to nor fond of being challenged, and Petunia joined her boyfriend in kind.**

 **The event was hardly fortuitous for the remainder of the evening, and indeed was rather a portent for how it would turn out.**

'All aboard, a rather swift change in writing style has landed us in the middle of the 19th century.' Remus said, miming grand hand gestures.

Sirius smiled, Lily chuckled lightly before continuing.

' **So Plopper, as this job of yours doesn't pay very well, I suppose you'd be living on so kind of unemployment benefit, eh?' Vernon said, his face just managing to turn into a smile, as it pushed his masses of skin to the side, somehow making him appear even larger than he was.**

'Uh didn't Lily just mention how rich James's parents were?' Peter asked eyes widening in scorn.

'Hmm, I can't tell if that's a continuity error, or Vernon just being an arse.' Lily said

 **James frowned, he wasn't exactly sure what this unemployment benefits malarkey was, but he could tell by Vernon's tone that it was meant to be insulting. Before he could formulate a response Lily had jumped in.**

' **Actually James's family is so rich that he doesn't really have any need for work.' Lily said smugly.**

 **Vernon pursed his lips, as as his gaze perused James, it gave distinct impression that he hardly thought he was dressed like the sort of man who had millions in the bank.**

'Well he certainly has one thing right there.' Sirius remarked.

'Wizards habit of dressing strangely doesn't exactly help.' Peter added.

'Hey, I'll have you know I'm very good at dressing in muggle clothing.'

'I once saw you in London wearing a tuxedo.'

'Exactly, perfectly appropriate muggle attire, I just so happen to be an elegant and classy muggle.' James teased, putting on his best posh accent. (10 ½- 2)

 **Petunia, who had up until this moment been glaring at Lily silently, chose this moment to interrupt.**

' **Well** _ **I**_ **certainly think that it's far better earning your money through decent hardwork than having some poxy inheritance.' Lily raised her eyebrows, that this went against everything Petunia had previously mentioned on the subject of money-making went without saying.**

 **It is needless to say that the dinner didn't improve from there, their main course arrived which they all ate in an awkward silence, both Vernon and Petunia wearing stony looks on their face.**

'On their collective face? Oh no they have a mutant hive mind, brave Sir Sirius must save noble James and Lady Lily from this terror.'

 **After their dishes had been cleared away Vernon after an elbow from Petunia attempted to restart the conversation, attempted being the operative word. 'So Potter, Petunia has already informed me of your, uh, abnormality, and I wanted her to know that I didn't hold it against her.' Vernon said gruffly. Lily gave Vernon a glare worthy of Professor McGonagall, and began trying to regale Vernon with the many merits of wizards and witches. Meanwhile James reached around for his large wand,**

Lily snorted.

'Hey,' James said, lightly cajoling her as he gave her a gentle shove, 'who's got a dirty mind now.'

'Oh come on, that was so obviously meant to be a double entendre.' Lily looked around for support from the boys who were all looking highly amused.

'Not all of us have our mind in the gutter Evans,' Sirius said in an imperious voice.

 **before grabbing it from his back pocket.**

' **Here want to have a look.' James showed Vernon the wand under the table, to try and avoid prying eyes, 'It's my wand, they're individual to each witch or wizard**

The edge of James's mouth perked up, 'Ok I agree, but the author has to be doing it on purpose, although it does fell rather strange to be hearing innuendos about my own, ahem wand.'

Sirius quickly jumped in with, 'Well at least somebody's talking about it mate, and that's got to be an improvement.'

Peter guffawed, while James rolled his eyes and gave Sirius a light-hearted shove.

 **and the amount of spells y-'**

' **How dare you threaten my fiancée with your magic stick, Petunia stay away from that man.'**

'Fiancée,' Lily said with light astonishment, she tried hard to imagine a happy future for her sister and her with _that_ man in her life, and she simply couldn't, Vernon magnified Petunia's least desirable traits, and if the way this surprisingly accurate fanfiction was going was true, then she couldn't imagine any form of acceptance of magic possible. The split that had started back at the age of 11 had become a chasm long before now, although she was only just recognising it.

James trying to lighten the mood loudly said 'when did I attack Petunia, have I missed something?'

Just as Remus was about to reply Lily cut in, 'can we please at least attempt to get through this fanfic without somebody interrupting every other line?'

' **Oh no I wasn't threatening you, I just wondered if you wanted to have a look, up close and everything, and,' James said as if trying to explain to a 5 year old 'it's not a magic stick it's called a** _ **wand**_ **.'**

' **I bloody well know what a wand is you jumped up…'**

 **But James wasn't listening, happy to have someone to talk to, and very happy to be finally making conversation with Lily's soon to be brother-in-law, James plowed on, trying to explain every aspect of the wizarding world, his history sweeped from Gringotts to the Ministry of Magic, however while he was in the middle of explaining the exact relationship between goblins and wizards during the fraught Goblin wars he was interrupted. Vernon Dursley, who had been becoming more and more angry as this layabout stranger began explaining to him his abnormalities**

James cautiously interrupted Lily, 'Come on I'm not _that_ stupid.'

– **his moustache was bristling, and he began turning a funny shade of puce – jumped upon their wizarding money.**

' **So this wizarding money of yours have you used it to buy a car, and what sort of car have you got exactly?' Vernon said sneering, 'I saw you pull up, and it didn't exactly look expensive.'**

'Oh so that's what he was getting at.' Lily rolled her eyes, 'I swear that man is obsessed with them.'

' **Oh no that's not mine that's Remus's car, I only used it because of the Order at the moment I've got to stay a bit low – but I shouldn't talk about that. Most of the time I use my brooms.' And James continued talking and talking, unfortunately for Vernon Dursley he had hit upon James's favourite thing to talk about in the whole world and he began discussing – although lecturing would be a better word as it was hardly a two-way conversation – him about the minutiae of his broomsticks.**

Remus tried hard to contain his smile, he had never quite understood all of his friend's obsession with the sport, which sometimes led to long arguments about the best broom, or the team of the league.

'12 ½ -2' Sirius muttered none too quietly, James did an exaggerated sshing motion, which made him look like he was trying to spray spit at an unusually large candle. Peter quickly summoned a handkerchief, and mock dabbing Sirius's brow.

Lily tried hard to contain her smile, she had to admit it was difficult to remain sad around the Marauders, annoyed yes, but their goofiness won out.

 **While this was going on Lily had turned to her sister in stunned silence for several minutes, she was both upset that her sister – whom she had used to be so close to – hadn't bothered to tell her about such an important event, and she had learned about it through a throwaway remark from the whale, she realised now all of what her mom had been going on about for the last few weeks, of course she had thought Lily had known, but she was also very angry that her sister could even think of marrying someone as snobby, cruel and stupid as Dursley. 'Why didn't you tell me you were getting married, and why the hell would you want to marry that monster?' Lily yelled at her sister.**

'Maybe not awfully subtle Lily.' Lily said, reminding herself to send a letter to her sister, the others' comments had brought her out of the flow of the story a bit, as shown by such things as _James_ being her boyfriend, this fanfic – while intriguing – wasn't entirely accurate, this didn't have to be her future.

'I don't know,' Sirius piped up, 'certainly sounds like a certain someone we all know.'

' **Why didn't I tell you, that's cheap coming from you Miss Perfect Lily.**

Lily frowned slightly, she and Petunia really did need to have a serious talk.

 **It's none of your business, I have found someone who can forgive me for having such a freak for a sister as you, and through you I'm now associated with all your kind, who are all as big a freaks as you are, I want nothing more to do with you and your taintedness, so you're not invited to the wedding, and that goes for your skinny little twit**

Lily snorted.

'Come on, is this insult James Potter day or something? And besides I'm not that skinny.'

'Hmm sure think that mate, I notice you didn't say anything about the twit part.' Sirius said

 **of a boyfriend over there as well. Come on Vernon we're going.'**

 **At this point she gestured to Vernon to extricate himself from the monolguing of James, however somewhere between the shouting match between Lily and Petunia, and James and Vernon's conversation dessert had arrived.**

Remus sighed, 'why do I have a bad feeling about this.'

'Because Remus, repeat after me, if it wasn't important the author wouldn't have mentioned it.' Peter said

' **Very right dear, we're off.' Vernon said as he grabbed his coat.**

 **Lily who at this point was so angry as she watched her sister walk away from her,**

'Not grammatically correct.' Remus muttered

 **she couldn't control her magical core, and it streamed out from her like a waterfall.**

This caused some serious confusion, as no one has ever heard of a magical core.

'Is a magical core some weird pure blood thing I've never heard of before?' Lily asked looking quite confused.

Remus scratched his head, trying to recall anything in his reading that might have mentioned cores.

'Well I've certainly never heard of it, and mother got us to read some wacky books from Merlin knows how long ago.'

'Maybe it's talking about accidental magic?' James said, looking to Remus for back up.

'I don't know – I suppose it could be – but that's meant to end after childhood and training.'

'Well if there was such a thing, everyone should be able to do wandless magic.'

'Maybe it's meant to be a sign of a powerful wizard in this universe?' Peter said.

'Honestly it just sounds dangerous, uncontrollable magic flowing out of people when they lose their tempers, but whatever it is, it is certainly a point against it for accuracy.' Remus replied

 **This caused a rather large and hot sticky toffee pudding to lift up from the table and at breakneck speed land on Vernon Dursley's head.**

'Well this has certainly been an eventful dinner.' Lily giggled

'We're the in-laws from hell.'

Lily smiled at James, before stopping herself and quickly continuing on.

 **There was a moment of silence, before James ducked down in the stall, clutching his ribs as he laughed.**

'Sounds about as much help as he normally is.' Sirius said.

 **Vernon let out a small yell, while the sticky toffee poured through his hair, and down his face, bits of cake getting caught up in his moustache, and sauce staining his shirt.**

' **How dare you throw a cake at my fiancée, ugh Lily you're so childish.' Petunia then let out a large harrumph and grabbed Vernon's hand as they stalked to the exit.**

 **Lily watched them go before letting out a large sob, James rushed towards her and gave her a large hug and bringing her over to the stall, so that Lily could cry into his shoulder, succeeding in getting James's shirt almost as wet as Vernon's was.**

Lily laugher, 'you know I'm quite impressed with myself in this fanfic, throwing a cake "by accident".'

 **James stroked Lily hair, and tried to make her feel better by saying, 'I wouldn't worry Lil, I'm sure they'll see the funny side soon.'**

' **I don't know, they're usually one's to hold grudges…'**

There was a pause before Lily spoke, 'Well… I actually – enjoyed that. Apart from the obvious, uh, sadness, it was well written, seemed accurate enough in terms of character.'

'Well you might like to know that the fanfic scored 13 ½ - 3, so we'll definitely be continuing.'

'Yes, well done for keeping count Sirius,' Lily rolled her eyes.

'Well I liked it, I wonder how wide a variety of fanfics there are?' James said

'Yes, the story certainly has potential, and if so much of it is accurate, it'll be interesting to see what we could find out from here, maybe we should keep count of the bits that recur the most?' Remus said

'Sounds like a job for Sirius, and the book's massive James, just flicking through this thing there seems to be lots of different genres, and you only liked it because I was your girlfriend in it.' Lily teased him.

'One of the numerous reasons, I assure you.'

Lily smirked, then noticed a note she'd forgotten to read out.

 **A/N: So there you have it, at least now we know why Vernon hates magic and the Potters so much! Thanks guys R/R. P.S. I listened to Rumours to really get myself into the 70's feel, d'you listen to music when you write?**

'Cool I love Rumours.' Sirius said

'I didn't know you listened to muggle music.' Lily said intrigued.

'Are you kidding, it's a double win, 1st the music is bloody epic, and 2nd it pisses my mum off.'

Lily was about to reply before she yawned, 'I suppose I should be going to bed, early start and all. Shall we keep the book in your room, I'll have too many questions if I lug it up to mine.'

'Yeah sure, hand it here.' James said. Lily passed it over, their hands briefly making contact, giving Lily a bit of a shock, though James hardly noticed.

'I'll head on up then.' Lily said quietly, making her way to the girls' stairs, before twirling around 'but don't read any of them without me.'

'Would I?' Sirius drawled.

'Yes.'

James made a gesture of crossing his heart as he smiled at her.

'Well, night then.' Lily said.

 **A/N: Hi guys, thank you sooo much for reviewing, it makes me really happy to know you enjoyed it, and to The Richsmaster, I'll look into that and contact her to see if she would mind. I'm sorry I took so long to upload, I've been ill and work was piling up but I'm on holiday now, so yay! I'd like to thank Pidwidgeon1706 for all her help with this chapter, and Maddy-Lupin for her encouragement and enthusiasm. Oh and I know it was cruel for Sirius to say that James is like the brother he never had, they will address Regulus eventually, maybe quite a few chapter away, but eventually. The Alice Cooper song was School's Out btw. And the knitting thing, well I'm trying to find ways to include Peter, as he was (unfortunately) a big part of their friendship group, I'm king of imagining him being good at art, as he seemed to do badly at school that was the only thing I could think of… Also that feeling when you made the story they're reacting to far too long…**


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